On the Eve of 48: Reflections on My Menopause Journey

It’s the night before my 48th birthday.

I’m sitting with a cup of tea, a cozy blanket wrapped around me, and my thoughts—lots of them. Birthdays always make me reflect, but this one feels… deeper. Heavier. More honest.

I’m not just turning another year older. I’m in the thick of something that no one warned me would be this emotional: my menopause journey.

This Past Year Was a Whirlwind

If I’m being honest, this past year has changed me in ways I never could’ve expected.

We moved from Florida back to Pennsylvania—me and my eldest son first, leaving behind the heat, the hurricanes, and the familiarity of routines we had built over the years.

As exciting as the move was, everything about it felt unfamiliar.

New home.

New rhythms.

New expectations.

My husband and younger son stayed behind for a month until graduation, and I tried my best to settle us in. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel alone and a little out of place.

Then, not long after, my mother-in-law moved in with us.

She was diagnosed with what we were told was a “curable” lung cancer.

We held on to hope.

She went through chemo. She went through radiation. She fought.

And then—so unexpectedly—she passed away.

I still don’t think I’ve fully processed it. Some days I feel like I’m floating, watching it all from a distance. Other days I’m just trying to hold it together and keep going, even when everything feels off.

Grief. Change. Uncertainty. Loneliness.

It’s been a lot. And at times, I’ve felt completely lost.

But despite the heaviness of this past year, menopause has given me something unexpected: the chance to pause, reflect, and recalibrate.

I’ve started to see things differently.

I’ve begun letting go of things that once consumed me.

And somehow, even through the mess of it all, I feel like I’m coming out stronger.

This Stage Is So Much More Than Symptoms

I could talk about the night sweats, the weight gain, the fatigue. But menopause has been more than physical for me—it’s emotional, mental, spiritual.

It’s cracked me open in ways I didn’t expect.

It’s made me question my identity.

It’s made me grieve the body I once had.

It’s made me look in the mirror some days and barely recognize the woman staring back at me.

But it’s also made me stronger.

48 Looks Different Than I Imagined

When I was younger, I thought 48 meant “settled.” That I’d have it all figured out by now. Instead, I’m learning that 48 is a mix of knowing myself deeper than ever and still figuring things out.

And lately, I’ve been looking back at pictures—photos from my twenties, thirties, even early forties. I remember exactly how I felt in those moments. I remember picking myself apart: criticizing my thighs, covering up my belly, obsessing over lines on my face.

But now, when I look at those same pictures, I don’t see flaws—I see a woman who was so much more beautiful than she ever realized.

And it hurts a little to know how harsh I was to her.

How I didn’t appreciate her enough.

How I couldn’t see the light that others likely saw so clearly.

What Menopause Has Really Taught Me

I used to think menopause was just a phase to “get through.” Now I know it’s a transformation.

It’s taught me that my body is not betraying me—it’s evolving.

It’s taught me that slowing down doesn’t mean giving up—it means listening in.

It’s taught me to honor what I need instead of pushing through what I don’t.

This season is teaching me to show up softer and stronger at the same time.

And that’s not something I ever learned in my twenties or thirties.

A Note to You (and to Myself)

If you’re reading this and you’re somewhere in this journey too—whether it’s the first hot flash or the fifth year without a period—I want you to know:

You’re not alone.

You’re not broken.

You’re becoming.

On the eve of 48, I’m not chasing who I used to be.

I’m standing still, right here, with compassion for who I am now.

And when I look in the mirror today, I choose to speak kindly.

Because this birthday isn’t just a celebration of age—it’s a celebration of becoming.

✨ Want to reflect on your own midlife journey?

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